You Were Wrong, I Was Right.

I am so tired of being wrong all the time.
When am I going to be right?
I feel like I "do right" all the time, but someone always seems to think I'm wrong. And no, it's not the same person over and over. It's different people.
I either do something wrong, say something wrong, don't do something...I don't know.


I just want to do something right for once.

Bare feet on the pavement...

Today I took a walk outside just as it started to drizzle.
I wanted to go barefoot, so I could feel everything as I walked.
I felt every raindrop, every rock, every blade of grass...my feet were numb by the time I got home.
I just wanted to clear my mind of everything, and concentrate solely on walking. When you walk barefoot, you begin to notice things. Like when you take a step forward you spread your toes out for balance, or if you walk heel to toe, or toe to heel. (I walk heel to toe, usually. If I walk downhill it's toe to heel.)

More than anything, I wanted it to rain while I was walking. Like, full-out, pouring rain. I wanted to run home in a flash flood. I'm usually pretty terrified of the elements, and I don't think I should be. I thought that being caught out in a thunderstorm would fix me.
Sadly, it only drizzled the whole time. That was still nice, though. Very refreshing.

I want to walk on cloudy, rain threatening days more often. I remember being a kid and refusing to come inside until it really was pouring rain. I could spend all day outside; playing, swinging, messing around, getting dirty. There's not much to do outside as an adult unless you like to hike, which I really don't. Hiking is too much work. When I'm outside, I want it to be effortless.

I need to spend more time outside. To lie in the grass, under sun, thinking about nothing at all. My walk today actually did clear my mind.
I thought of nothing else but the earth under my feet and the impending rain.

You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you..

Hello blog, it's been awhile.
Whoops.
I'm really bad at keeping things up to date. That's ok though, the only person it affects is me. It's all personal, so if for some reason I can't remember something that happened...it's my fault for not keeping my journal in tact.

In other news, I'm home for the summer. But I don't like to call this "home." I was talking to a friend of mine and she said the exact same thing. "Yeah, I'm home. But God, I hate calling RKY home!" I agree.
However, I have recently procured a kick-ass babysitting job, which functions as a 9-5 job. Since I work 9-5 on weekdays. I just hope this kid isn't a brat. Which he probably will be.

After being totally by myself for the last 2 days, I have come to a conclusion: I will never, ever be able to live alone. I will always have to have a roommate of some kind. I went a little nuts. I talked to myself. My dad said "Well, as long as you didn't answer yourself."
I did. I had a full conversation with myself. And it was BORING.
Am I this boring when I speak to people?
Maybe it's because my cat was involved too. He wasn't much for conversation.

Good God, I'm boring myself already.

Bottom line, I go crazy when I don't have a human being around for more than 3 hours.


Anyhoo, I think I'll stop for now. I plan on trying to update this more. We'll see how that goes.

Till next time,
Natalie